Aston Villa 4, Liverpool 2 – Match Recap: The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves

First Half

Fifteen minutes gone and I am so bored. I regret to inform you that Liverpool once again do not appear to be up to the challenge of scoring a goal (or indeed, have any idea how such a thing might happen). Gakpo continues treating the offside line with the utmost contempt, and not even Rio’s youthful exuberance can do much to get the other 10 bums in the mood to do anything noteworthy with the ball. Speaking of Gakpo and being offside, Martinez spilled a shot right in front of him, and if he’d stayed onside, he would’ve scored a goal. But alas. Liverpool chose to leave Morgan Rodgers completely unmarked on a corner; Villa played it short, picked him out, and he picked out the far corner. So. 1-0.

Second Half

Virgil van Dijk heads home a set piece goal to equalize early in the second half. I assume I can probably stop watching now, since there’s no way either of these teams scores another goal. There was a lengthy VAR review, which is fair enough; it is highly suspicious whenever Liverpool score a goal. Well, Rio nearly proved me wrong with a brilliant low, curling shot that rattled the far post. Of course Gakpo was there to be offside (and send his shot into low Earth orbit). Ah, Ollie Watkins was the one to prove me wrong. I underestimated how shit our defense is, which takes some doing after this season. This time it was Szoboszlai who Gerrard-slipped and allowed Villa in on goal. Fun. These fucking pricks. Five minutes. Five minutes between our equalizer and Villa reclaiming the lead. These pricks couldn’t even give us more than five minutes of something approaching happiness today. Chiesa and Wirtz come on for Gravenberch and Gomez. Aaaand Villa make it three. Salah comes on for Gakpo. *Amazing work bringing Salah on when we’re already losing 3-1. Good process.* Four. McGinn. Virg scores a second. yay.

Final Thoughts

Football was a mistake. Can we just forfeit the last match?