Dave Hyde: A $4,282 ticket and $248 parking pass? Get ready for World Cup sticker shock.

(Mandel Ngan/Pool/AFP/Getty Images North America/TNS)

There’s road rage, air rage, gas rage and now, coming to South Florida, World Cup ticket rage.

Do you hear the cursing in Portuguese and Scottish rolling in? The cheapest ticket to their June 24 match at Hard Rock Stadium is $2,106 on the FIFA-directed resale market.

Or how about the lowest ticket of $4,282 for the June 27 Colombia-Portugal game at Hard Rock?

That doesn’t cover the $248 parking pass for resale on Ticketmaster, or the control-yourself $100 for a few in-game drinks and arepas. Total to watch Colombia-Portugal: $4,782 a ticket. Marketing slogan: See The Beautiful Game, Eat Chicken Broth For A Year.

Here’s an idea for an enterprising travel company: Start a Cheer-Like-A-Native tour.

Instead of having people dip into their 401K to watch Colombia play Portugal, this tour involves a $401 flight to Cartagena the day before the game and a return three nights later, as Google flights priced it. Add a $200 splurge in a Colombian sports bar watching the game with local fans, enjoy a $250-a-night hotel, get a mini-vacation and spend about a third of the cost of a game ticket. You might even bring the family at that price.

Or go to Lisbon on Cheer-Like-A-Native Tours, if you want to root for Portugal in that game That’s a $1,100 flight for the same, three-night experience. So, it would cost about half the game ticket and you get to eat cozido a portuguesa on its home turf rather than spout get-off-my-lawn ideas about World Cup prices.

These are all for opening matches, too. Wait until the bigger matches like the Round of 32 one at Hard Rock on July 3 or the quarterfinal match on July 11. The bottom line is this World Cup’s bottom line comes with the tournament’s most expensive tickets ever the world’s most popular event collides with all-American capitalism at its greediest.

The dynamic pricing model the United States uses for airlines, concerts and sports tickets leans into the resale markets as any consumer knows. It might as well take direct payments from your 401K to some events.

FIFA, somehow a nonprofit, takes a 30% cut of the resale tickets. It says this money is needed to expand the game of soccer. Where are they expanding, Saturn?

The cheapest ticket to the World Cup final on July 19th at MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, N.J., is $9,552 on Stubhub.com. That’s 10 times the cheapest ticket at the 2022 World Cup in Qatar.

Fans and politicians have complained in every language. A European consumer watchdog filed a legal complaint to the European Commission stating, “Dynamic pricing turns fans’ loyalty into a bidding war, inflates costs and locks out many supporters.”

All this means soccer fans are learning what American sports fans did years ago. The biggest sports events aren’t for you. They’re for the social oligarchs and corporate muckety-mucks who never have to check their bank statements and don’t know the names of all players.

There’s a reason local fans shrugged when Miami Dolphins owner Steve Ross said the Super Bowl wasn’t coming back to Miami. It’s for rich people, not common fans who were priced out long ago. Ditto for a prime reason the Super Bowl can’t return — the stadium space going to F1 races.

Maybe soccer has a world of fans who haven’t quite grasped this new-money concept. A New York Times story told of Argentinian fans who embrace debt, plot team schedules like career paths, sleep 10 to a room and sacrifice beyond all normal financial rationale to attend the World Cup in the manner Americans do to attend college.

Here’s an economical idea for this World Cup. Become a fan of Uruguay. You can buy a ticket to the first World Cup match at Hard Rock on June 15 between Uruguay and Saudi Arabia for $454 on Ticketmaster. Or, cheaper still, a ticket to Uruguay versus Cabo Verde on June 21 costs $401.

At those prices, the Cheer-Like-A-Native flight ticket of $836 to Montevideo seems outrageous.

There’s another option besides Uruguay-Cabo Verde on June 21, if you want to catch a game. The Miami Marlins play San Francisco at loanDepot park. A ticket is $26. Maybe World Cup fans should quit complaining, face financial facts and become Marlins fans.

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