Ellie Kildunne opens up on post-World Cup gloom – ‘Why am I doing this?’

Ellie Kildunne admits she felt “really alone” and questioned “why am I doing this?” after coming down from the high of helping England brilliantly lift the Women’s Rugby World Cup last year.

Explosive full-back Kildunne was the Red Roses’ X-factor as they won the World Cup on home soil and she scored a spectacular solo try in the 33-13 final triumph over Canada in front of a sold-out 82,000 crowd at Allianz Stadium Twickenham.

It would always have been hard to maintain the elation of that career peak but the 26-year-old was brought back to earth with a bump when her next match following the World Cup final was four weeks later, for club side Harlequins in front of 2,929 fans at the Twickenham Stoop against Loughborough Lightning.

Ellie Kildunne was left searching for motivation after sealing World Cup glory last year (Ben Whitley/PA Wire)

Having been named 2024 World Rugby women's player of the year, had a barbie doll made of her and been named in this year’s Independent 50 most influential women list, Kildunne acknowledges the struggle for motivation once she returned to club rugby’s week-to-week grind.

“You are playing in front of a sold-out crowd at Allianz, you have just won a World Cup, and the next minute you are back playing over the road in front of a slither of the amount of people,” she said in an interview with BBC Sport.

“There was that little bit of a dip in ‘why I am doing this?’ I always say it is for the happiness and inspiring people and every room I walk into.

“My expectation gets higher of myself all the time. If I played 8/10 then I feel I might as well have played 2/10. I am going to have the highest standards for myself to keep on striving to get better.

“I needed to rework that out – how am I going to keep pushing myself from within, to keep wanting to do my best and stay completely focused.

“I went from playing Guitar Hero every night with my team-mates to going back to living on my own in Reading. Suddenly I was like ‘wow, I feel really alone.’

“There is going to be good and bad emotions and things that I want to talk about. Like a dip, which is natural after a peak, but who do I talk to? It made me value the times that I have got with people.”

The Red Roses return to action this weekend as the Women’s Six Nations gets underway, with their game against Ireland back at Allianz Stadium having sold more than 70,000 tickets.

England are aiming for an eighth straight Six Nations title, with none of the other countries currently able to to stop their dominance, but Kildunne has even loftier goals and is eyeing the 2029 World Cup in Australia.

“I still want to be the best player in the world and to keep on playing my rugby,” she said. “I want to win another World Cup. I want to win a Prem [with Harlequins]. There is so much I still want to do.”