'Hope has not found me just yet'

[BBC]

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It's been fascinating to watch the fanbase try and make sense of Arsenal's defeat to Manchester City on Sunday.

As the internet and the algorithms demand, we must decide whether this was the final straw in a slowly collapsing title challenge, or the performance that will actually see Arsenal over the line in a few weeks time.

This was probably Arsenal's best performance in weeks if not months. The margins were slim, and if Ebereche Eze's shot had actually snuck inside the post, or if Kai Havertz had converted his last minute free header in the box, we might be talking about a different story. Lots of fans are buoyed by this performance. It has provided them hope.

I have to confess, hope has not found me just yet. This has been a very difficult few weeks as a fan. At the risk of hyperbole, I feel like I've gone through grief. Within every waking hour I experience an anger - that my team might have let me down like this - or a depression, where I have been genuinely close to tears. Then there's acceptance.

Arsenal are still top of the league and in the semi-final of the Champions League, so from an outside perspective it might seem bizarre.

But for me, the defeat at Manchester City, for all of the positives, will be filed into the evidence box for the case against Arsenal. The case is that there are many, many elite things about this team but it's still just not quite enough.

Moreover, when in direct comparison with the Manchester City juggernaut, the Gunners fell short. Asking Arsenal to win away at the Etihad was always going to be a big ask…but if not now, when?

Ahead of the meeting with Newcastle on Saturday, I am hopeful that I will have found my way out of the doom that I currently feel. It isn't over. Until then though, I remain haunted by the near misses of that game, and the potential for another near miss of an entire season.

Find more from Laura Kirk-Francis at the Latte Firm podcast