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Newcomerās Blues
TL;DR
The author reflects on their lifelong friendships and the challenges newcomers face in tight-knit social groups. They draw parallels to the insular nature of the Carolina men's basketball program, emphasizing the difficulty of integrating into established circles.
CHARLOTTE, NC - FEBRUARY 15: Danny Green #14 of the Toronto Raptors and Michael Malone participate during the 2019 NBA Cares All-Star Day of Service at Second Harvest Food bank of Metrolina on February 15, 2019 in Charlotte, North Carolina. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2019 NBAE (Photo by Issac Baldizon/NBAE via Getty Images) | NBAE via Getty Images
I have been blessed, for the vast majority of my life, to count the same two guys as my best friends. We met in kindergarten at Ephesus Elementary and graduated together from East Chapel Hill High School. Two of us even roomed together our freshman year at Appalachian State; the other defected briefly to Washington D.C., but found his way back home eventually. They shared best man duties at my wedding, and to this day I still see them regularly. My freshman-year roommateās partner is one of the first friends I ever had; my family moved across the street from hers when we were four years old, so sheās been in the fold longer than just about anyone with whom I am not blood related.
Iāve been led to understand that this is not a typical experience. I donāt mention it to brag, although I am quite proud of a quarter-century of friendship, but rather to say that Iāve seen the other side. My wife, for example, had to face down twenty years of shared history when I brought her around the gang for the first time, and for some reason she didnāt cut bait as soon as we called it a night. Now, itās like sheās always been a part of that group, but it is intimidating to stroll into a situation like that. It can be lonely. Not everyone can do it.
I think of the Carolina Family ā about which many words have been written of late ā in very similar terms. Like calls to like, after all, and I recognize the same unspoken understanding when I watch members of the Carolina menās basketball program interact as when I am with my best friends. Itās an insular thing, built on decades and decades of shared experiences, trust, and love. It canāt be easy to just walk into a situation like that, even if youāre invited.
Coach Malone was certainly invited, and judging by his introductory press conference, he is aware of the gravity of what he is attempting to do. He canāt trace any lineage back to Coach Smith, after all, short of being a huge fan like the rest of us, and heād never coached in Chapel Hill prior to this moment. Heās an outsider, an interloper, a jolt to a system that has slid along the same rails for over half a century. He will be under a microscope from the first practice of the next season ā but I donāt get the impression that he particularly minds.
Like calls to like, once again, and I think thereās every chance that Coach Malone is added to the names of the Family-affiliated coaches that came before him. He is saying the right things, at least at this early stage, and thereās certainly a reason heās in Chapel Hill rather than one of the professional vacancies that were reported. I can speak from experience when I say that it is a good thing to bring someone new into the family. I know weāre all pulling like hell to see him lead the Tar Heels back up the last ladder of the season. Thatās something that this family loves more than anything else.
Q&A
What challenges do newcomers face in established social groups?
Newcomers often feel intimidated and lonely when trying to integrate into established social groups due to the deep history and shared experiences of existing members.
How does the author compare their friendships to the Carolina men's basketball program?
The author likens their lifelong friendships to the insular nature of the Carolina men's basketball program, highlighting the unspoken understanding and trust built over decades.
What personal experiences does the author share about their friendships?
The author shares that they have maintained close friendships since kindergarten, including shared experiences like living together in college and having their friends serve as best men at their wedding.
Why is it difficult for newcomers to join the Carolina Family?
Joining the Carolina Family can be difficult for newcomers because it is a close-knit group built on years of shared experiences, making it challenging to feel fully integrated even when invited.
