Redneck Brawl 13: All the highlights and wildest moments from Hillbilly Invasion!

Gamecock is crowned after a decision win over Shizzat da Rizzat

Another spotlight fight didn’t involve any marital or parental disputes, but did feature gallons of bad blood between Shizzat da Rizzat and 606 Gamecock. Both have won at the Brawl before, with Shizzat memorably bringing his Nana to the ring after winning the co-feature the last time the Brawl was in Knoxville.

This was a far less wholesome affair, with Shizzat and Gamecock exchanging increasingly vile and heated words in the buildup to fight night. Gamecock won by decision after knocking Shizzat down in the 2nd round, and the win obviously meant a lot to him.

For Shizzat, who lost for the first time in a Redneck Brawl ring, the night was a powerful lesson. Specifically: You can’t call a man a pedophile to his face in front of crowd and cameras without expecting him to try and punish you for it later.

Here’s the rundown of the Best, Worst, Ugliest, Saddest, Most Inspiring, and all things in between from the rest of the show:

Second Ugliest Injury

Hollywood Hart bleeds from his left ear

Back when I was in school, there was an odd kid who liked to constantly sing a metal-type song lyric that went: “It’s perfectly normal that your ears are bleeding… It’s perfectly normal, someone bludgeoned you!” – **

It’s a song that might bring comfort to Hollywood Hart, assuming he can still hear after Bounty Hunter bludgeoned him to the point that blood was leaking from Hart’s left ear. Arguably less awful than a shredded leg, but still in the Top 10 list of worst Brawl injuries that I’ve ever seen.

** – Side Note: If anyone knows what song that kid was singing all the time, please tell me what it is! I haven’t been able to figure it out for over 30 years. And I can’t ask the guy, because he died of a drug overdose before we cleared high school.

Best Knockout

Red River Redneck blasts Tennessee Whiskey out cold on his face

Red River Redneck said in a callout video that his opponent, Tennessee Whiskey, would “enter the ring on [his] legs, but leave on [his] back.” Turns out he made a liar of himself, but only in the most quibbling way, as he landed one of the best one-shot knockout punches you’ll ever see in any sort of fight, leaving Tennessee Whiskey splayed out flat on his face.

Somehow, I doubt Red River regrets predicting the orientation of his explosive knockout incorrectly. The crowd still went nuts, and the check will still clear.

Most Satisfying Revenge (and a close 2nd Best Knockout)

Lil Fire obliterates Doner Twin Larry with a one-hit KO

Redneck Brawl 10 saw twin brothers Lil Fire and Lil Smokey lose close but generally accepted decisions to the Doner Twins, Larry and Terry. Tonight saw all parties rematched, with Lil Fire and Doner Twin Larry first to appear in the ring.

It only took about 10 seconds to settle things, and the judges were not needed. Lil Fire feinted and timed a magnificent one-shot counter that caught Larry clean and hard, leaving him disoriented on the canvas for a full ten-count and beyond. It was a thrilling triumph for Fire, a young man who generally functions as the Takuma Inoue to his twin brother’s Naoya, by virtue of Lil Smokey’s earlier start at the Brawl and superior mic skills.

Not only did Lil Smokey lose by decision in his rematch, but their cousin Big Daddy T also lost a fantastic fight against returning Brawl legend Jug. So, Lil Fire is the only Campbell going home with a crown and a winner’s check from this edition of the Brawl. I hope he at least bought the rest of the family’s pizza when they got back to the hotel.

Least Satisfying Revenge

Taylor from the Trailer wins his third attempt at Playboy by TKO

Taylor from the Trailer has booked three fights against Playboy. The first one ended with Taylor knocked out in 13 seconds at Redneck Brawl #6. The next attempt came at Brawl #10, where Taylor didn’t make it to the ring, either because he was suffering from a broken heart and couldn’t bring himself to fight, or because he’d been out too late drinking with Walker Dog (more on him later). Whatever actually happened, Taylor had to feel fortunate to get a third attempt at Playboy, given how the first two bookings went.

Taylor was certainly amped up for the chance, coming in at the best shape of his Brawl career and racing to the ring when his fight was called… Where he immediately face planted after unsuccessfully trying to jump over the top rope on his ring entrance.

We did get most of a round of high quality brawling both ways, but then Jug suffered a shoulder injury that forced him to retire. Not as satisfying or conclusive as Lil Fire’s revenge, but you wouldn’t know it from the way Taylor celebrated.

Still, a win is a win when they write it down in the record books. Enjoy your crown and your spotlight, Taylor!

Most/Least Satisfying Taste of One’s Own Medicine

A dazed Sasquatch contemplates the injustice of his own signature technique

Sasquatch has one move: Charge straight ahead like a sumo striking a Heisman pose, try to stiff-arm his opponent into (or over) the ropes, and use his size to smother them so they can’t move even if they stay in the ring. He’s also had a tendency to use his free hand to slap and hit at his opponents until he’s yanked off of them by the referee.

Sasquatch goes over the near side ropes with Big R…

But, tonight against Big R, Sasquatch found himself faced with a man tall and hefty enough to not only neutralize his defining style, but turn it against him. Instead of bullying the action in his usual way, Sasquatch found himself dumped over the near side ropes right along with Big R.

And Sasquatch goes over the far side ropes against Big R!

…and then, Sasquatch went over the far side ropes, too!

Big R didn’t let him off the hook, swinging at Sasquatch until he was pulled away, just as Sasquatch has done to his own opponents on multiple occasions. But, it cost Big R this fight, with the referee ruling Sasquatch couldn’t continue due to a late punch on the break, and officially ruling a No Contest.

By all known accounts of those involved with the events, Sasquatch is a wonderful guy, and truly passionate about this promotion. But… We’re 13 Brawls in, and it’s the same thing every time from him. It’s bizarrely interesting to see one time, tedious to see a second time, and odious to have to watch a 5th, 6th, 7th, or More-th time.

Granted, it was tremendously satisfying to see the man get thrown around and laid out on the mat by the exact same process he usually applies to others. But, even if we could guarantee it every time out, I suspect the returns would prove diminishing on that as well. Perhaps ’Squatch can just work the corner, or at least fight at the top of the card instead?

Best Big Boy Debut

Cake Paul triumphs over Big Coop

Newcomer Cake Paul made his argument for the Redneck Brawl equivalent of prime Andy Ruiz. Catfish Cooley fired off one of his best lines of the night when he said of Cake: “He looks like Kung Fu Panda!” But, shockingly fast hands and exceptional stamina for such a big fellow gave us a fun fight, and left Cake with his arm raised in victory.

It’s a performance that demands another appearance at a future Brawl. Is Cake ready for Jug? Big Daddy T? Big R, perhaps? Let’s see how high this beefy lad can fly!

Most Unfortunate Way to Finish a Redneck Brawl Career

Doctors and officials discuss whether Walker Dog is fit to fight

Chicken man Walker Dog won the hearts of the audience back at Redneck Brawl 9 through his distinctive 33 rpm drawl and his shocking comeback TKO win over Sudafed Crashout. He was immediately booked to appear at Brawl #10, but didn’t appear on that show because he was described at the time as having arrived too drunk to pass the medical evaluation.

Tonight, Walker at least made it to the ring, but the way he looked getting there sparked an immediate discussion between fight officials and medical staff. While the commentary team debated amongst themselves whether Walker looked “sober-ish” or instead looked like he was suffering from “them kidneys-ain’t-workin’-right legs,” the decision was made that Walker, with a visibly swollen leg and a jaundiced tint to his appearance, was not fit to fight scheduled opponent Redneck Jim.

The decision was promptly affirmed by Walker’s struggle to lift his leg high enough to clear the ropes and exit the ring. It’s an unfortunate departure for a colorful character, but hopefully Walker can get healthy, and spend many more years in the company of his beloved fighting gray roosters.

Best Way to Take Lemons and Make Concussion-Flavored Lemonade

Promoter Chris negotiates a last minute bonus fight between Peter Beater and Harley the Stripper

Harley the Stripper was amped up and ready to go, but had to settle for a TKO win when her opponent, Wild Wood, started dry heaving in the ring before the bell could even ring from a mix of adrenaline, nerves, and an oversized mouthpiece. Harley was there for a fight, not a check, though, and made it clear she’d fight anyone if an opportunity presented itself before the end of the night.

Three fights later, the equally brawl-hungry Peter Beater found herself the winner of an unsatisfying DQ win when scheduled opponent Blue Hair Ally Daddy didn’t bother to show up.

After a brief consultation with the licensing commission, the ladies were given the option to fight each other later on the card. They both accepted immediately, and we got ourselves a surprise bonus fight!

Harley the Stripper wins her surprise bonus fight!

Perhaps no fight could have lived up to the audience’s excitement as it became clear these women would get a second chance for violence against each other… But, they did give us a solid show. And, in the end, it was Harley the Stripper with her hand raised.

Someday, when the Final Jeopardy answer is: “This Redneck Brawler is the first and only person to win two official fights on the same night,” you’ll know the answer: Harley the Stripper. Bravo, Harley, and way to make history!

The whole situation is Redneck Brawl in miniature. Whatever obstacles may come, whatever challenges may arise… You can’t stop the people from Brawling. They will overcome, persevere, and find a way to wildly throw hands so they can beat the hell out of each other.

May it ever be so, for many, many Brawls still to come.

Until next time, here’s the complete rundown of results, with winners highlighted in BOLD and all wins by decision unless otherwise specified. And if you missed it, here’s the link to our complete live coverage of all fights, including just under 4,500 words of fight capsules and previews.

• LESLIE “GRAVE DIGGER” TUCKER VS GILBERT “HELLS ANGEL” BOWLING
• WILLIAM “CHOPPER” SHELTON VS LANDON “423 COWBOY” LANE (TKO-3)
• MIRANDA “BIG BAD MOMMA” MCGUIRE VS LINDSAY “POUNDCAKE” WAGERS
• JAYSON “HEAVY HANDS” DYKES (KO-2) VS JAMES “WAFFLE HOUSE WARRIOR” EATON
• TERA “HARLEY THE STRIPPER” PARKER (TKO-1) VS BRITTANY “WILD WOOD” WOOD
• SAMUEL “BOUNTY HUNTER” TEASTER VS CHRIS “HOLLYWOOD HART” HART
• LEROY “SHANGO” THOMPSON VS CRAIG “CLEANCUT CRAIG” WILLIAMS
• ALLYSON “BLUE HAIR ALLY DADDY” CRUZE VS CRYSTAL “PETER BEATER” NEACE (DQ-No Show)
• BILLEY “BABY MAKER” LIGHTNER (KO-1) VS DAVID “SQUIRREL” HURST
• HEATHER “BIG DAWG” WEEKS (TKO-2) VS TRACY “TRAINWRECK TRACY” LEWIS
• TIMMY “CRAZY SHADY” SEYMORE VS JASON “J-MONEY” WILLIAMS (KO-1)
• JEFFREY “WALKER DOG” WALKER VS JIMMY “REDNECK JIM” BOWLING (DQ-“Impaired”)
• STORMI “STORMY” MANON (TKO-1) VS SHANNON “DOGGY STYLE” ENGLE
• TYLER “PLAYBOY” HOLMES VS TAYLOR “TAYLOR FROM THE TRAILER” MOUNTS (TKO-1)
• BRANDY “BENZO BRANDY” PERRY VS CRYSTAL “DARRELL’S WIFE” HINKLE
• ROBBY “THE VOLUNTEER” GOLDEN VS WALTER “PAN MAN” POWERS
• LEANN “LUCKY” SELF VS JESSICA “BARBIE JESS” ALLEN
• MATTHEW “TENNESSEE WHISKEY” LUCKETT VS JUSTIN “RED RIVER REDNECK” JOHNSON (KO-1)
• MISTY “PRETTY LADY” OSBORNE VS LEXIE “MEAT N TATERS” THOMASSY
• EVAN “BIG COOP” COOPER VS ETHAN “CAKE PAUL” COOK
• BONUS FIGHT: HARLEY THE STRIPPER VS PETER BEATER
• TAMERA “TACKLE BOX TYRANT” UNDERWOOD VS MARTHA “SEXY BOO BABE” BOWLING
• ANTHONY “TENNESSEE CORNBREAD” JONES (KO-2) VS LONNIE “THE BOXER” ADAMS
• JULIUS “MACHO MAN” PERDUE VS BOBBY “STRINGBEAN” FREEMAN
• TOBY RAY “TOBY RAY FARRIS” FARRIS VS KEVIN T “KEVIN THOMAS” JONES
• WAYNE “DONER TWIN” DONER VS JACOB “LIL FIRE” CAMPBELL (KO-1)
• JAMES “JUG” ESTEPP VS TYLER “BIG DADDY T” CAMPBELL
• SHANE “SHIZZAT DA RIZZAT” REED VS RICHARD “606 GAMECOCK” DORTON
• CHRISTOPHER “SASQUATCH” AKERS VS ROBERT “BIG R” SMITH – NO CONTEST
• TERRY “DONER TWIN” DONER VS JIMMY “LIL SMOKEY” CAMPBELL
• RANDY “THE ASSHOLE” NIECE (TKO-2) VS DARRELL “HIGH TESTOSTERONE” HINKLE