Survey reveals extent of pressure parents put on kids through sports

Why do children participate in sports, quit sports or maybe never even start them in the first place?

We can’t underestimate our role as parents in those processes. The Aspen Institute’s Project Play initiative partnered with Utah State and Louisiana Tech Universities for a national youth study (almost 4,000 youth ages 10-17) to understand children’s experiences in sports.

Among the key findings from the report, shared with USA TODAY Sports prior to its release on Tuesday April 28:

• Support or pressure applied by parents can make or break a child’s experience in sports.
• Kids who quit sports experienced a steep drop-off in foundational support and capacity from their parents.
• Former youth players reported much higher rates of negative parental behavior when they played.
• A toxic combination of high negative pressure and a lack of foundational, logistical and emotional support is associated with youth abandoning sports entirely.

The survey, conducted with kids Aspen describes as “current players, former players and never players,” found that girls who quit sports reported significantly higher rates of negative parental behavior than boys who did.

“It feels like as a society we are determined to not listen to kids about why they play sports,” Jon Solomon, research director for the Aspen Institute’s Sports & Society Program, told USA TODAY Sports.

A Phoenix Mercury coach helps out at a clinic on April 24, in Sioux Falls, South Dakota.

As sports parents, we can all look inside ourselves more to give our kids the best sports experiences, which they can carry with them into life. Here are five takeaways from Aspen’s latest survey to help guide our actions:

Are we pushing female athletes too much?

While medical research indicates girls face a greater injury risk playing sports than boys,  Aspen’s recent study found that 18% of female former players (compared to 11% of male players) said their parents focused more on winning than having fun.

The survey results also confirmed what a number of surveys have found: Boys and girls play sports for social reasons. In this most recent survey: "Having fun" (48%) and "Playing with friends" (47%) are far and away the top priorities.

And yet female former players were roughly twice as likely as male former players to report that their parents compared them to other players (25% vs. 9%), pressured them to play (24% vs. 16%) and argued with coaches or referees during games (13% vs. 6%).

Solomon writes in a story about the full survey that decades of research show that girls tend to be more sensitive to social evaluation and relational approval in sport.

Basketball and soccer parents show especially poor behavior

Among the five sports analyzed from the survey results, basketball reported the highest negative parent behavior in six of eight categories. They are: argue with coaches/refs; pressure their child to play; focus more on winning than fun; criticize their child’s skills; make their child feel ashamed about their performance; and don’t respect their child’s decisions around sports involvement.

The survey found soccer players reported the highest rates of parents getting angry/upset about performance (16%) and comparing them to others (18%).

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'Bad' coaching persists, especially in baseball

Current baseball players reported the highest rates of disliking their sport due to “bad coaching” (33%), followed by football (30%) and basketball (29%), compared to much lower rates in soccer (20%) and tennis (20%).

When asked to rate the role of their coach on a 1-to-5 scale, current players strongly agree that a coach’s role is to “Teach us sports skills” (4.69 average) and “Develop our life skills” (4.39 average). “Win games and competitions,” a common misconception about why kids play sports, had a 3.90 average.

“Bad coaching” is the top complaint for current players (23%).

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Kids are feeling 'not good enough,' and they're quitting

The survey found the average age former players stopped participating is 12.93. Over a third of all youth who quit do so at ages 12, 13, and 14 (11%, 13%, and 10%, respectively).

We think we’re helping our kids by offering opinions while they play, or on the car ride home. But too much commentary and criticism can wear on them.

For former players, feeling “I’m not good enough” (29%) was their least favorite thing about their experience. “Bad coaching” (21%) was No. 2.

The risk (and fear) of getting hurt is real

More than half of youth (52%) who have never played sports say the risk of injury would keep them from choosing to play, compared to 27% of former players and 3% of current players.

Among these non-players, 54% of 14-17-year-olds cite injury risk as a barrier, compared to 37% of 10-13-year-olds.

The survey found 30% of Latino/a youth haven’t played organized sports, which higher than the non-participation rates of Black (15%) and White (9%) youth. Fifty-five percent of current Latino/a players say the risk of injury has kept them from choosing to play a specific sport, compared to 21% of White and 24% of Black current players.

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What the survey means for youth sports

Aspen’s report on the survey recommends that sports providers create and market low-stakes, intramural-style leagues that explicitly de-emphasize winning and prioritize social connection and physical health.

Flag football is a growing sport that has proven to capture these attributes, especially among girls.

While the study found video games can be a potential catalyst for participation among kids who have never played organized sports, Aspen has been pushing for a renaissance of intramural-style sports as an option for kids over travel teams.

They are not alone.

U.S. Rep. Kevin Kiley, chair of the subcommittee on Early Childhood, Elementary, and Secondary Education, identified a few areas for addressing the youth sports “crisis” at a December Congressional hearing.

"One is just programmatic in terms of having more offerings for students to continue to be involved, regardless of skill level, having maybe more robust P.E. programs in schools,” he said.

The Aspen survey found White players are more heavily integrated into the pay-to-play travel circuit, with 35% reporting they play outside their community, compared to just 20% of Black players.

School programs serve as the primary sports setting for Black youth.

I brought Kiley's comments in Congress to Jonathan Carone, creator of the Healthy Sports Parents podcast. Carone suggested uplifting scholastic sports intramural programs.

“I think it moves beyond P.E.,” he says. “Even the most robust P.E. program in high schools still competes with kids feeling the need to stack academic classes instead of P.E. in order to have a good resume for college.“Intramural sports are the key to unlock all the pressure on kids. Right now, the scholastic teams (JV and varsity) are the only free or low cost places for teenagers to play. Outside of that, it’s expensive club ball. There are few recreational opportunities. Parents are making kids specialize in third grade because they think that’s the only way they’ll be good enough to make the high school team.“But we know when we create an environment where recreational sports are accepted and not made fun of, teenagers love playing because intramural sports in college are so popular. If we funded intramurals in middle school and high school – paying teachers a respectable stipend to help put on the leagues and games – then I believe kids would have a safe place to keep playing in a low cost, low pressure, and low commitment environment.”

Borelli, aka Coach Steve, has been an editor and writer with USA TODAY since 1999. He spent 10 years coaching his two sons’ baseball and basketball teams. He and his wife, Colleen, are now sports parents for two high schoolers. His Coach Steve column is posted weekly. For his past columns, click here.

Got a question for Coach Steve you want answered in a column? Email him atsborelli@usatoday.com

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Project Play survey shows heavy sports pressure parents put on kids