Blue Jays 10, Twins 4: Even Twins pitchers get the blues

TORONTO, CANADA - Brandon Valenzuela is happy to be wearing this tastefully restrained uniform. (Photo by Mark Blinch/Getty Images) | Getty Images

Well, things were looking good for Twins starter Simeon Woods-Richardson until a Roman servant whispered in his ear “all glory is fleeting,” and the Bad Mojo spread through the bullpen like bedbugs in a bad motel. Ouch! Inning-by-inning notes:

1: Austin Martin singles and scores; Luke Keaschall beats out a single of his own. Bringing up Super Slugger Josh Bell! He flies out to right. Paul Molitor on radio says that Martin should have read that Keaschall grounder, been at third, and scored on the Bell flyout. Says “if I was still managing, I’d have screamed his head off until he broke down in uncontrollable sobs.” (Molitor didn’t say that.)

It doesn’t matter anyways, because Ryan Jeffers HOMER! The Twins are NEVER GONNA LOSE AGAIN!

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33 pitches thrown for Blue Jays starter Patrick Corbin, but he’s kinda mediocre, so knocking him out early doesn’t necessarily mean striking gold. Twins 3-0

Daulton Varsho says “the Twins are SO gonna lose again eventually” and smacks a one-out double, but neither Mini-Vlad nor Jesús Sánchez can knock him in. 20 pitches for SWR, and knocking him out gets to the worrisome Twins bullpen, so that might be gold for the Jays.

2: Brooks Lee is HBP and the Twins, alas, do not start a huge BaseBall FIGHT, they instead have the pride of Missouri City, TX (Tristan Gray) bunt him over. It makes sense, lefty on lefty. It doesn’t amount to anything.

Huh — unexpected radio story. Apparently Geddy Lee of the band Rush is a huge baseball fan, and usually attends games (not tonight), and once donated 200 baseballs signed by Negro League players to the Negro Leagues Museum in Kansas City. I was just there. So maybe I saw a ball donated by the guy from Rush? That’s cool. I mean it was a cool visit already.

Phil Collins of the band Genesis also donated a bunch of stuff to the Alamo museum (he was a big Alamo collector) but unfortunately a ton of it was fake. Not Collins’s fault, he didn’t know the stuff was fake.

SWR has an easier second inning.

3: Another two-out hit for Jeffers, and another HBP for the Twins. Wallner with the easy fly to end the inning. Corbin now at 59 pitches.

Brandon Valenzuela batting ninth for the Jays; he IS from Mexico, but he is not, alas, related to the great Fernando Valenzuela. I remember watching weekend baseball as a kid and Valenzuela was pitching for the Dodgers. It confused me when the TV went to commercial and a song played “there was something in the air that night, the stars were bright, Fernando.” ABBA once gave a bunch of memorabilia to the International Cryptozoology Museum in Bangor, ME. (Actually, this never happened, but such a museum actually exists.) SWR at 44 pitches.

4: Brooks Lee cries “vengeance!” for his earlier HBP with a 3-2 homer to left. Martin has a two-out double and Molitor’s still talking about ways he would discipline players in his day, a towel filled with soap bars was his favorite. Martin doesn’t score.

Vlad hits one 113 MPH over Buxton’s head for the leadoff double. Sánchez doubles on the next pitch. Two batters later, a Davis Schneider double. Right now Fred Schneider of the B-52s could hit SWR. OK, maybe not him, but Andrés Giménez can and Valenzuela can (his first MLB homer). The shame of Arkansas City, Gray, makes an error on an easy grounder and George Springer reaches second; then, inexplicably, Springer is caught stealing at third for the last out. SHEESH. Blue Jays 5-4

5: Big (6’6”, 235#) Tommy Nance in to pitch for the Jays. He made his debut in 2021 at age 30 for the ChiSox, bounced around from team to team, and had a great year last season for Toronto. He leaves with two outs for lefty Joe Mantiply to face Wallner and Wallner to cast a wistful gaze at Strike Three going over the plate.

Anthony Banda is a lefthander for the Twins; he had two good seasons for the Dodgers in 2024-2025. Apparently the Dodgers knew what they were doing in letting him go as he promptly gives up a leadoff homer to Varsho. Big Canada 6-4

6: Lee, Gray, Buxton. ꓘ, ꓘ, K. Th last one courtesy of old buddy Louis Varland. SIGH.

The Blue Jays against Banda? ꓘ, ꓘ, K, right? Um, no. Walk, double, bunt, out, double, I don’t need to name their names. Anthony Banda will see them in his NIGHTMARES. Land o’ poutine 8-4

7: The Twins have a runner on in Keaschall but Uncle Lincoln in the comments wills the rally dead.

Old friend Taylor Rogers gives up the leadoff single to Mini Vlad, he steals, and scores on a two-out single by Schneider, but to heck with that. I’ve identified why the Blue Jays are kicking the Twins’ butts.

Yeah they hired the Grand Master in December. Granted, Sweet Drew hadn’t helped the ChiSox much as a catching coach, but when you think of Butera, what you think of is RAW POWER and that’s what he’s bringing Toronto tonight. Now you know. Les Geais bleux or whatever it is 9-4

8: Another HBP Twin, Jeffers. Do you think he scores? He does not. Do you think Justin Topa is a good relief pitcher? He is not. Guerrero now 3-5 on a 115.7-hit RBI double. There is a town in south Ontario 10-4

9: Radio is talking about how Canada served them cream of wild mushroom soup. Kris Atteberry has probably never seen a mushroom that didn’t come from a stubby little can. The announced crowd on 40, 721 are happy. Are you happy? I hope you are happy. Unless you’re a sack of s**t, in which case I hope you are sad. Twins (Kyle) lohse

Studs: Jeffers, 3-3 with a dinger. Lee, 1-3 with a dinger. Martin was 2-3 but the entire outfield was taking routes tonight like they’d been huffing glue. Duds: every Twins pitcher.

COTG got to Nagurskiinnortheast for asking “Where’s Don Zimmer when you need him?!?!” after a second Twins HBP and gintzer responding “Losing in a fight against Pedro Martinez.” Thanks to everybody for joining in; sorry this one became such a bummer so fast.

Tomorrow’s game is at 2:07 Central, featuring Eric Lauer against Joe Ryan. Catch ya next time!