Opinion: More than a game — what football taught me about a life that heals

Former BYU defensive back Derwin Gray in 1991. | Mark Phillbrick, BYU Photo

I recently received the Distinguished 2026 Alumni Award from Brigham Young University. I’m deeply grateful. Not because of the recognition itself, but because of what it represents.

The award for me is a reminder that the story God is writing in our lives is always bigger than the football field I picked off passes on.

When I arrived at BYU as a young football player in the fall of 1989, I thought the goal was simple: perform well, win games and maybe make it to the NFL. And by God’s grace, I did play professionally for six seasons.

But what I didn’t understand then is this: Football was never the destination. It was a classroom. A classroom where discipline is forged, perseverance is tested and sacrifice is curriculum.

I wonder, is that what sports is functioning as for young people today?

Football taught me that when a group of men from different backgrounds partner together in unity and love, they can accomplish some incredible feats — like beating the 1990 defending national champion, the Miami Hurricanes, for example.

But for many young people today, sports seem to have become something more (or less). For so many kids now, sports are a high-stakes, all-consuming machinery of year-round travel teams and specialized training that demands their entire identity. I see too many young people trapped in a relentless, often unhealthy pursuit of exposure and status that crowds out everything else in their lives.

In such a superficial culture that prioritizes performance over the person, someone’s self-worth can become tied to a ranking or a curated highlight reel, leaving no room for the quiet, soul-building moments that actually defined my own formative experiences.

That’s unfortunate, because there’s so much more transformation and growth that can come from that field, court or mat. For me, football became a classroom that prepared me for life.

Hours in the weight room developed my character as much as they did my muscles.

Film study helped train my mind in such a way that one day, I could earn a doctorate and become an author.

I learned how winning teaches you humility, because you realize no one is self-made. You are only as good as your teammates and coaches.

Losses also teach you resilience. In life we lose, but every loss can be a lesson if we let it become our teacher.