Series Preview and Friday Game Thread vs. The Tejas Long Fedoras

A Fedora worn by Michael Jackson Monday, July 17, 2023, in Nashville, Tenn.

Friday at 6pm CT on SECN+, Saturday at 7pm CT on SEC Network, and Sunday at 12pm CT on ESPN2.

The Tejas Long Fedoras (#4)

‘26 Record: 30-8 (11-6 SEC). The Long Fedoras opened the season 16-0 in OOC play, but since conference play started, have come back to Earth a bit. In OOC play, they ate cupcakes and Coastal Carolina.

Once conference play started, they took 2 of 3 from Ole Piss at home, the lost a midweek game to Tarleton State, and then took 2 of 3 from Auburn at War Tiger Field. They then lost another midweek game against Houston, but would proceed to sweep The OK Boomers in Austin, before taking 2 of 3 from The South Cackalacky Game Penises in Penis-bia. Any losses to the Penises this year should crush your confidence, and, as such, The Long Fedoras then got mini-swept 2 games to none in Milkman Station to those aTm Cultists. Last week, they took 2 of 3 from The Ramajama Gumps.

It would be phenomenal if we could win this series, as at least it is at The Hawk. If we take at least one, I’ll be happy. Oh fuck that, I hate these Fedora-wearing slabs of beef. Run them out of town on a bachelorette party pedal tavern, please and thank you. M’Lady.

Player to Watch:#33 Jr. CF Aiden “Pride of Holy Ghost” Robbins (.368/.444/.737 with 7 2B, 2 3B, 15 HR, 41 RBI, and 10-11 SB).  How many leadoff hitters have 15 dongers right now? No, forget I asked that. I am absolutely not looking it up. For comparison, our own leadoff slugger, The Mancino Man, has 12. Robbins has been tearing the cover off the ball, so you pitch around him, right? Well… then he’ll be off and running. Shit. I hate going against complete players.

Anchor of Gold Tiger Beat Hottest Pitcher: #99 So. LHP Dylan “The Lost City” Volantis (5-0; 2.13 ERA; 12.26 K/9). The Long Fedora Ace/Mythical city penned by Plato just flat out dominates. Hope to catch him on an off day. I’m not sure he’s had one yet, so he must be due, right?

Andrew VU ‘04 2026 All-Name Team Nominee: Head Coach Jim Schlossnagle has a team of mostly normal-named humans, but who does he employ on his coaching staff? That would be Nolan Cain, , and , Max Weiner.