Violent Delights: Gogoplatas, Chicken Wings, Tear Gas, Oh My!

Event: Fight Club Rush 29
When: May 2, 2026
Where: Umea, Sweden
Who: Moein Ahmadi def. Mattias Henriksson
What: According to the Unified Rules of MMA, eye gouging includes using fingers, elbows and perhaps most notably here, the chin. Does that include the beard? It’s been a while since we saw a “chin to the eye”-related stoppage, even if the subsequent ground-and-pound sealed the deal. Mark Kerr and Igor Vovchanchyn would be proud, to say nothing about Chris Haseman during his improbable run at one of the most unusual MMA events to come out of Australia. Check out more about that stunning ‘90s tournament here!

Event: One Samurai 1
When: April 29, 2026
Where: Tokyo, Japan
Who: Avazbek Kholmirzaev def. Yuya Wakamatsu
What: One Championship wishes to conquer Japan, putting a decent foot forward with its first “Samurai” event. While Rodtang vs. Takeru 2 went swimmingly—check that out on your own time—the title that Demetrious Johnson once held now belongs in the arms of this spinning Uzbek. No, not that one.

Event: Matrix Fight Night 18
When: May 2, 2026
Where: Greater Noida, India
Who: Besii Ariijii def. Manoj Yadav
What: Behold one of the cleanest examples of a “flash knockout.” Ariijii hit Yadav. Yadav hit the floor. The ambulance did not quite hit 60. At least Ariijii’s name isn’t Yudhatrisnamers, that’s an unruly surname no matter how you slice it.

And Angga Yudhatrisnamers, if you’re still reading this, you are a good sport and a trooper. And you passed our test. And you can be our friend.

Event: Chaos in the Ring 4
When: May 2, 2026
Where: Lagos, Nigeria
Who: Basit Adebayo def. Loren Japhet
What: In this case, it is not about which athlete won or how. Instead, we marvel at the fact that tear gas somehow crept into the Federal Palace Hotel and the boxing match was paused and not scrapped. The commentary team could only sputter that “there is some tear gas in the air” as at least one other fight fell off the card because of this. Not local boxers Adebayo and Japhet, though. They had to get back in there and go the distance. Sometimes these things happen in Lagos?

Event: Lions FC 12
When: May 1, 2026
Where: Neuchatel, Switzerland
Who: Alou Camara def. Shakhbulat Abuev
What: Abuev was sent to bed without any supper. Even going down like a T-800 dunked in a vat of molten steel, his slumber-inducing defeat is still more impressive than whatever this was from Felix Polianidis earlier that evening.